never knew his last name, but I will never forget how he filled my senses and tantalized my flesh. We met at the Philadelphia International Airport. He was holding a sign that read, “Bakos.” Yes, he was my chauffeur for the day. The flight was on time, and his boss, with whom I had an interview, was running late.
“He told me to entertain you for two hours,” the chauffeur said. “Would you like a tour of the city?”
He was 6′ 5″, a former jock, whose shoulders and thighs rippled under the fabric of his clothes. I hadn’t had sex since a relationship ended two months before. There was a disarming shyness about this big man. Looking at him, I thought, big dick, modest ego. What could be more attractive? I handed over my bag, linked my arm through his, and said, “I’ve seen the city. What else do you have to offer?”
When he opened the door of the car, I put my hand over his. He got in beside me and nuzzled my neck. Shivers ran up my back. I put my hand on his solid thigh. He kissed me, and my body throbbed with anticipation. I put my hand over his crotch and realized my hand didn’t begin to cover what was inside his pants. I unzipped them and his huge dick, like a magnificent chunk of sculptured marble, sprang forth.
I fucked him in the back of the limo, and it was a great experience. I had no post-coital angst about sex with a stranger. Instead, I felt energized, alive, sexually desirable. This was one of those daring sex experiences that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Some day, when I’m a little old lady in a rocking chair, I’ll count these moments as special erotic blessings. Maybe I’ll even tell my granddaughters.
WHAT IS Scandalous SEX?
It’s hot, wild, passionate sex – sex in a public place, like the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art on a night with a full moon, or a risky place, like your office or with your new fling in your boyfriend’s bed when he’s at work. It’s sex with a stranger or with a man who may never win your parents’ approval or meet the somewhat less rigorous standards of your friends. It’s getting very involved with someone you don’t know well because you spent the first 48 hours together in bed. Scandalous sex is down-and-dirty sex with an edge of risk.
The object of a Scandalous woman’s super-heated lust may be the classic “bad boy,” the man who can’t or won’t fit into society or hold a steady job, at least not a job in which it is possible to become successful by playing inside the rules. He may cheat on his taxes, con his grandmother and consort with the mob, even fail to shower you with compliments, gifts, or pay for meals. But he is not abusive. (Women who are abused and degraded by their men aren’t daring. They’re victims.)
However, the object of the Scandalous woman’s lust doesn’t have to be a bad boy. Maybe he is your partner in a purely sexual relationship. Perhaps he’s the geeky guy in your company’s IT department who worships the ground you walk on. He can be a younger guy, the man you wouldn’t marry for whatever reason, somebody else’s husband – or, yes, even Mr. Perfect, the man with the American Express card, an office with a window, a health club membership, who still can make you want him so much you can’t make it to the car and do it standing up against a chain length fence behind the neighborhood tavern.
The definition of Scandalous sex changes with your age and experiences. At 18, it might be doing it in your boyfriend’s mother’s bed or with two drunk frat boys after an amazing kegger. At 25, it’s sex on the boss’ desk or in an airplane restroom with some guy you met in line at the ticket counter. At 40, it could be fucking that old high school sweetheart – in his wife’s bed this time – on your vacation visit back home.
WHO HAS Scandalous EXPERIENCES?
Women who love sex. Those who are luke warm about sex rarely, if ever, share their passion in less than ideal circumstances or with less than ideal -by their definition – men. But, if you have a high sex drive, you will have sex with some men who are less than Mr. Perfect, and in many situations, that won’t include candles, ambiance, or even a mattress. As long as you travel with latex, project the ability to take care of yourself and instinctively avoid men who may turn up on wanted posters – what’s wrong with a little Scandalous sex?
“Women don’t get much positive reinforcement for being sexual in our society,” says Vanessa Breiner, Ph.D., “As long as you stay aware of your motives, there’s nothing harmful in having different kinds of sexual experiences. If you’re using thrill-seeking sex as a form of rebellion, that’s fine.” A little extra excitement is only going to make life better.
SEX IN THE OFFICE
‘Tm swamped today,” Laurel told Juan. He was looking at her chest and wasn’t listening. He seldom looked into her eyes when she spoke. For that matter, he rarely listened to her words – only to her body.
She could feel his gaze burning through the fabric of her soft wool dress to her skin. Her nipples rose, tight and stiff, pulled by the strength of his desire. He put out his hand, and she leaned toward him. With his thumb, he massaged her nipple. The electric charge shot from nipple to brain to groin. Wordlessly, she turned and walked toward the small conference room, which she knew wasn’t being used for the next hour. He followed.
There was no preliminary conversation. He shut the door behind her, hurriedly unzipped her dress, and turned his attention to her breasts as if he’d thought of nothing else that day.
When his lips closed over her nipple, she felt such intense pleasure she thought she would cum immediately. They fucked on the conference table, he standing at the foot of the table, she lying on it, legs open, knees bent.
“I can’t think about anything but sex when I’m with Juan,” Laurel explains. ‘Tm not lucid. The best thing to do is have sex with him at the earliest opportunity so I can get back to work, otherwise I’ll fantasize about him and rush over to his apartment as soon as I leave the office.”
Juan is a bicycle messenger in Manhattan, where Laurel works as an office manager for an insurance company. She is being groomed for advancement. He has no plans for life after his leg muscles grow too weary to peddle another mile. What is Laurel doing?
“Everything. I can do everything with him, shit I didn’t share with the nice boys in my past. Yes, I’m using him for sex. There is so much pressure in my life. Sex with Juan is the release valve.”
Whether you have sex in the office during business hours or after with the boss, a co-worker, a subordinate, or the Federal Express guy, you take a risk. What if you’re caught? How will that impact your career? The possibility of negative consequences makes sex incredibly exciting for some women.
SEX IN SYMBOLIC PLACES
“Sex is the crux of it,” says Annie, a public relations consultant in Washington, D.C. “Every crazy thing I’ve done in my life has been about sex.”
She has no interest – erotic or otherwise – in bike messengers or other men “on the social fringe” because status matters too much to her.
Annie’s lovers are chosen from among the city’s power brokers, which doesn’t necessarily make them staid or dull. (It’s a myth that only outlaws are sexy.) Some have been married men. One of those husbands took her to Paris on the Concorde for a weekend. Another one, a former Senate aide, is currently under indictment. Another is a spy. What do they have in common with each other and with Laurel’s Juan?
They inspire her to be a sexual risk-taker, a Scandalous lover, who once slipped away from a White House dinner to give a blow job to another guest. She seeks partners for daring sexual exploits, not shared evenings in front of the TV. Michael, her current lover, lives with a woman who has invested heavily in his new business and believes implicitly in his fidelity.
“Sometimes we have sex in their bed while she’s working,” Annie says. “Taking that extra risk excites him – and me. Being with him makes me feel naughty. I like the feeling.”
“I tell him how to fuck me and how to suck me, and he loves doing it my way, especially in her bed. She tries to please him. He tells me how hard she ‘works’ at being good in bed.”
Maybe having sex in her lover’s shared bed is Annie’s way of thumbing her nose at traditional values. For some women, fucking in certain places may be a way of proclaiming independence. Or, like Annie, they might feel they’re leaving a mark on history by experiencing a delicious session of cunnilingus in the offices of the United States Senate!
“I need to feel the wildness and the darkness in a man,” says Carolyn, who teaches math at a small community college in the San Francisco area. “It’s like swimming in the sea at night. I want the sense of danger, the feeling that I might be pulled under with him and never come back up again. Paul, her lover, satisfies that need by being “masterful” and “powerful” – sometimes in public places. Carolyn went down on him while flying on the red-eye from San Francisco to New York City. Initially, she was reluctant to comply. He slipped his hand between her legs and worked his fingers slowly up her thigh until she quivered with anticipation.
“When he found my clitoris, everything outside us became dark and smoky,” she says. “He whispered in my ear that he wanted me to go down on him. I let him pull the blanket over my head. I unzipped his pants and took him into my mouth. He was all of life to me then.”
Some couples can capture the Scandalous spirit by acting out a form of foreplay in public. They caress and kiss and make it clear to anyone watching that they’re going straight home to bed; an audience arouses them to a fever pitch.
PLAYING ON THE EDGE
“Sometimes when we’re kissing, Mick grabs a handful of my hair and pulls my head back,” says Claire, a management consultant. “I pull equally hard to keep my mouth on his. I know it’s irrational to want to kiss someone so badly you will endure a little pain to keep your mouth locked on his, but sex needs to be irrational.”
The lure of the sexual undertow is powerful. It makes some women feel that sex is not a choice but a compelling force that cannot be denied, a natural force, like a vast, awesome and glorious thunderstorm. They can’t say “No.”
Claire says she can only let herself go and “really be transported by sex” with a man like Mick, who has a “dangerous edge.” Sex with other men is “nothing more than OK.” Orgasms, she says, are not a problem for her. She has them easily. Intensity is what she craves. And she likes the fact that Mick sometimes teases her, makes her wait to have an orgasm.
“Other men are so eager to please a woman, to see her have an orgasm,” she says. “Mick considers a woman’s orgasm his due. Of course, she will cum, she will cum over and over again from the sheer excitement of being with him. He’s an exciting guy. He knows how to create the sexual drama I crave.”
One night he arrived unexpectedly at her apartment, and Claire quickly forgot about the stack of reports she was reading for an early morning meeting. Her deadline disappeared. He began fucking her on the sofa, greedily kissing her mouth, then her breasts. His hands, hot and impatient, roamed her body until she thought she would explode with desire. By the time he slid one finger between her throbbing thighs, she was moving against him, thinking of nothing but his hungry fingers exploring her innermost parts, and then he pulled away.
“Love me with your mouth,” he ordered, and through the fog of sheer desire, she understood that she would have to blow him before he let her have that first delicious orgasm.
According to Dr. Briener, a little sexual power-playing “isn’t dangerous – unless a line is crossed.” And most women know if they’re veering dangerously close to that line. In their sexual play Claire enjoys, the “danger” is an illusion, a sexual fantasy that excites them both.
SEX WITH A STRANGER
“I am attracted to dark, brooding, mysterious men,” says Mary, a publishing executive. “When I get to know them, I find their ‘brooding’ becomes boring. But I like it in the beginning when they are exotic strangers.”
Mary met Roger, who is, of course, dark, brooding and mysterious, at a cocktail party. Within 20 minutes, he kissed her. She thought his tongue was like a snake, cold and hard inside her mouth, yet she responded so intensely to him she could hardly breathe. He took her hand and led her from the party. They went to his apartment.
“He kissed me for a long time, kissing my face, my ears, biting my ears, kissing my throat, my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach, the insides of my thighs. I wanted him so badly. He held my face in his hands and told me he wanted me, too. I couldn’t remember his name. It was electric.
He didn’t take off his cloches to fuck me. He unzipped his pants and pulled me down on his lap, on top of him. It was unbelievably hot.”
Of course, women have to choose wisely when making sexual connections with strangers. The best choices are men you have some link to -a guy at a professional meeting, a friend of a friend you met at a party. Yet some women can’t resist an occasional wild fuck with someone unknown to them.
Those of us who like the wild thing a little wilder enjoy, and often evolve from, those kinds of sexual encounters.
“I find being attracted to someone who may not reciprocate that feeling very erotic,” says Beth, an administrative assistant, who fell in lust with David before she knew his name. “The uncertainty, the risk of embarrassment at having my lust discovered, heightens the experience for me.”
When she and David made love, she was, she says, the “frantic” one – her fingers trembling as she unbuttoned his shirt. Grazing her palm across his thick, coarse chest hair, she felt static electricity, a shower of sparks.
She pressed her breasts against his chest, igniting more sparks. His hand went straight to the soft female place between her thighs. As he fingered her, she reached inside his pants and grabbed his thick cock. He lifted her hips, pushed her against the wall, and took her standing up.
“I fell open for him,” she remembers.
“I didn’t need a bed or a pillow. I couldn’t wait long enough to get down to the floor. I had to have him immediately.”
Both Beth and Mary like the illusion of the masterful male, someone who can strut and posture. The edge of danger is exciting. The whirlpool at the center is deadly.
For most women, Scandalous sex is a form of freedom and sensual self-expression. It has nothing to do with the mundane, messy details of real life -mortgages, Lamaze classes, and buying his mother’s birthday present.
Are women who commit to a relationship with someone on the basis of great sex Scandalous or just crazy? Coming from a family of women who have more often than not decided to get married in less time than it takes most other women to add a man’s name to their Christmas card list, I’ve had more than one reason to ponder the question. Some of these marriages have been fabulous successes. And some haven’t. Some lucky women manage to have Scandalous experiences with the very men who load their dishwashers, fold their laundry, and lap their cum from her pussy.
But you don’t have to be in love with your lover – as long as you’re in lust. I fell in love with my most recent lover within a week after meeting him in a bookstore. Six weeks later, he was out of state, where I visited him as soon as we could arrange it. The sex was torrid and fulfilling, but out of bed, we had little in common. I’m not sure that we liked each other all that much. Yet I would, with very little notice, fly 8 hours across the county to fuck him again.