Writing for Cosmopolitan, Ali Wunderman says “a lot more couples are doing it than you probably realize.”
She isn’t wrong. Recent studies reveal anywhere from 4 to 10% of people partake in sexual encounters that involve extramarital partners. On the low end, that’s one couple out of every 25. And that only accounts for the couples that admit to it. The numbers are likely higher. “1 in 5 American couples (are) happily engaging in some form of ethical non-monogamy,” Ali explains, and this can range from having an open relationship, a partially open relationship where just one partner has a license to roam, to full-blown parties with other couples where partners are traded for a night of passionate no-strings-attached sex.
“When I first floated the idea of an open relationship to the man who is now my husband, I had no idea what to call it,” Explains Wunderman. “We were in college, eating at our favorite sushi buffet—I was 19, he was 21, and we had been together for four years—and although I felt totally secure in broaching the subject, I didn’t exactly know how to phrase it. Eventually, I blurted out: ‘What would you think about us staying in a relationship but also seeing other people?’ Michael’s first reaction was, fortunately, mostly curiosity, as we had talked a lot over the years about whether we were missing out on life-changing experiences by being together from such a young age. My proposal—to go outside our relationship without actually giving up on what we had—appealed to him.”
With both of them on board, they soon realized they actually had no idea what they were doing. They knew they wanted to experiment sexually with others, but no one had ever admitted to her that they were non-monogamous (a term she learned some time later), so they had no choice but to stumble ahead without any labels or mentorship.
“If I had known from day one what being a swinger was actually like, I could have started having fun a lot earlier.” She remarks. “I just want you to have as much earth-shattering sex as your schedule allows, okay?”
Avoiding the shame of your first time, BDSM clubs, and overcoming some very un-sexy logistics?
“Let me save you some time. If you’re interested in swinging, here’s what you need to know.”
