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Meredith Grey fantasized about it. So did Sookie Stackhouse. Samantha Jones tried it but with little success. Britney Spears sang about it – and likely does it. Shakira might do it, depending on who you ask and Paris Hilton allegedly spent her 26th birthday in a hotel room with Stavros Niarchos and Brandon Davis doing it. It makes the top 5 list of female fantasies in annual sex surveys from any number of women’s glossy fashion magazines. We’re talking about the Queen’s Triad or the Male-Male Female threesome. Now, thanks to major Hollywood moves, nighttime television dramas, and pop music, MMF threesomes have gone mainstream!
H
ave you ever fantasized about being the “F” in the middle of an MFM sex sandwich? According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, threesomes are the most common fantasy in the US, with 95% of guys and 87% of women saying it topped their sexual bucket list.
That’s good news for those of you who dream of being double-teamed by two sexy guys at the same time! No one is going to think you’re weird!
I read your ad, it sounded rather thrilling / I think a meeting could be mutually fulfilling / Why don’t we meet for a chat / The three of us in my flat? ~ ABBA, “Two for the Price of One.”
Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun
From a woman’s point of view, an MMF ménage à trois is super-hot for several reasons:
- You are the object of lust.
- Helps boosts self-esteem and sexual confidence.
- You get to fulfill your desires and fantasies.
- You get to experience DP (double penetration).
- It adds variety and can help spice up your sex life.
- Makes you feel worshipped like a Goddess.
- It can be very empowering.
While porn often portrays MMF sex scenes as male-centric and only for male pleasure, the truth is many women find it empowering.
“One thing that our research suggested was that women having MMF threesomes … exhibited a lot of sexual agency,” states Dr. Ryan Scoats, author of the study Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy. “They had a lot of confidence and knew how to pursue the kind of sex they wanted and how to say no to the kind they didn’t.”
One, Two, Three / Not only you and me / Got one eighty degrees / And I’m caught in between / Countin’ One, Two, Three / Peter, Paul, and Mary / Gettin’ down with Three P / Everybody loves… ohhh…~ Britney Spears, “3.”
The Possibilities are Almost Endless!
Anal, oral, fingering, P-to-V sex, double penetration. It’s all on the menu when you’ve got two gorgeous guys over to Netflix and chill. Imagine, two dicks, two tongues, four hands and a whole lot of pleasure! And don’t forget the popcorn!
When you add in all the sexual positions that three bodies can get into like the Eiffel Tower or the Split Roast, the possibilities are almost as endless.
The Devil’s Threesome and The Queen’s Triad
It’s not only about the girl getting all the pleasure either. Dr. Scoats notes that women get much more turned on when the guys actually make-out with each other as well. That is, providing they don’t freak out about crossing their swords during DP, also known as the “devil’s threesome.” This feminist aspect of MMF, done almost exclusively for the woman’s physical and visual pleasure, is called “The Queen’s Triad.”
The Object of Desire
Many women enjoy being the object of desire, which is why MMF threesomes are so freaking hot. Being the center of attention is a huge turn-on and is often one of the number one fantasies that women share. Being seen and ravaged as purely a sexual object makes her feel wanted, sexy and desired.
“[Exhibition fantasies] correlate to the desire to feel sexy, garner attention, be admired, feel appreciated and be objectified,” says Dr. Jess O’Reilly. “It’s the desire to indulge in the taboo element of sharing publicly that which has been rendered overwhelmingly private; for some this may facilitate the shedding of shameful messages associated with sex. Also, an association with power; as you embrace your sexuality for others to see, you may experience feelings of empowerment and control.”
In FFM situations, however, the opposite is true. In these three-ways the girls have to share their Romeo. And sometimes that situation doesn’t end very well, if said Romeo is paying all the attention to Juliet, while lonely Rosaline sits on the sidelines mooning over her unrequited love.
While threesomes can be an amazing way to open up your relationship to new sexual explorations, they “may trigger jealousies, insecurities, or resentments that you may not have even realized you were harboring,” notes Cultural Anthropologist, Katherine Frank.
When Three’s a Crowd
There are lots of reasons to not partake of a three-way as well.
Sexual Altruism: Being pressured into it because your partner wants to do it, so you do it to please them. In other words, you are no motivated by your own desires. Make sure you are fulfilling your own fantasies first and not just your partner’s.
Unfulfilled Fantasy: It just may so happen that the fantasy itself was way better in your mind than the real-life experience. Unexpected things can pop up (or go limp) when people are under the pressure to perform. Let’s just say it might be the best sex you ever had, or it may suck hard, and not in a good way.
Feeling Left Out: Again, back to Romeo, Juliet, and Rosaline—no-one wants to be left out in a three-way. Proper etiquette dictates that everyone be on their best GGG behavior (good, giving, and game) for a more satisfying sexual encounter. “Think good in bed, giving based on a partner’s sexual interests, and game for anything — within reason.”
Trust Issues: This goes with every intimate or sexual relationship. Having sex is a very vulnerable experience. Then there is the whole slut-shaming fiasco that can happen afterwards. So, make sure you trust your sexual partners before you play and choose them wisely.
Ruins Friendship: Sometimes when you go from best friends forever to friends with benefits, it can break the relationship. Think carefully before you invite your BFF into the fantasy.
Safe Sex & STIs: It goes without saying that bringing an extra sexual partner (or two) into the mix can be risky and open you up to getting an STI. Remember that male condoms are 98% effective against STIs and HIV. Oh, and don’t forget gloves, lots of lube and dental dams to make your sexy time way more pleasurable!
Managing Expectations and Setting Boundaries
“If you are curious about experimenting with threesomes, it’s good to talk about what you’re looking to get out of the experience…” says Dr. Scoats
While throuples remain the most common open-style arrangement, these relationships are not without risks. Lehmiller says among those who’ve tried it, having three-way sex is also “the fantasy that was least likely to turn out well”.
Why? Communication and differing expectations.
Let’s just say that Romeo’s threesome fantasy may look a lot different than Rosaline’s. And Juliet’s for that matter.
That’s why communication is super important before engaging in those desires. So, have that talk with your partner, BFF, or alternative lovers to manage your expectations. Express both your wants and your limits by setting healthy boundaries. That way you don’t leave the fuck-fest with a bad experience.
Should You Explore Your MMF Fantasy?
Ultimately that decision is up to you. But here are some questions to ask yourself before you dive into the deep end:
- Will you regret it in the morning?
- Is it a fantasy you can just jill-off to in order to satisfy that desire?
- Or do you really feel the need to explore it further?
- Have you checked all the boxes off above?
A sweaty night of debauchery with two hot guys allows you to explore your desires and can be sexy AF as well as empowering!
Being sexually empowered allows you to decide what is right for you.
And, hey, if you find out after the party has started that boy-boy-girl-banging is not right for you, you can always say, “Later fellas!”.
You always have the power to say “no”!
