She’s Gotta Have It! The Scandalous Woman’s Guide to Cheating

Jennifer, a married college professor, described her deliciously taboo affair with Ryan, an undergraduate student, with the gleam of raw lust in her dark eyes. “I felt as if he had placed a hand on my crotch and pulled me to him when I saw him in the quad, shirtless and oozing with raw sexuality,” she said. “I immediately realized he was in my 11 AM class but the sight of him so intoxicated me that I found myself plotting to seduce him, which I eventually did, even though I’m married to an incredible guy!”

When he came to her after class a few days later with concerns about his grades, she lured him back to her office where they fucked with wild abandon. “The sex was so exciting, so illicit,” she recalled. “The feeling of empowerment and control was too much to resist.”

“While James and I were together late one afternoon, my husband called. He thought I was just grading term papers. He told me he loved me just as James was sticking his tongue in my pussy. I felt very slutty, but it felt so good! I broke it off at the end of the semester before I got caught, though. I got it out of my system, and my relationship with my husband was better because of it. Though I never got caught, I wouldn’t cheat on him again… unless…”

Why Chicks Cheat

Sometimes a woman finds someone she simply must have, someone so enticing that all sane reasoning gets lost in a heady haze of lust. Like Jennifer, she may cherish her husband or boyfriend but allow herself to be enchanted by someone who can give her the type of sexual adventures she craves. Sometimes he is so fuckable and well-hung that she instinctively knows the tryst is only sexual. As she dives into an affair, she keeps her eyes on the long-term picture with her man at home. She might feel fulfilled by a new lover, but she won’t leave her husband for him.

According to Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender studies and writing professor at Marymount Manhattan College and author of the book A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs That Make or Break Their Marriages, women stray for four reasons. There are empowerment affairs, where women feel in control and know sex on the side is an option. They are confidently trading in a currency that men have historically had available to them.

There are sex-driven affairs, where women want more sex than is happening in their primary relationship and have no intention of any commitment. These partners may be in committed relationships themselves or may not be marriage material. But the sex is glorious.

Next are love affairs. These frequently throw the woman for a loop and her life becomes challenging. In many cases, she and her husband/partner were very happy, and then the lover came along and changed the status quo. A situation just like this is portrayed in the 1998 Richard Gere and Diane Laine film Unfaithful.

The fourth type is self-esteem affairs. In these cases, the women describe their marriages/ monogamous relationships as stale, they feel unappreciated and invisible. The lover makes them feel alive and appreciated.

You’re Not Alone: Statistically, the Chances You’ll Cheat are Directly Proportional to the Right Opportunity

Imagine yourself in a room full of married or committed women. Look to your left, then to your right. What do you see? Likely, seven out of 10 women have, or are actively engaged in torrid sexual affairs while their men remain blissfully unaware.

Barash says 70 percent of women cheat. You may be surprised by this amount, or you may not be. Women who rush off to fuck their boy toys when their husbands think they’re working out or having lunch with clients will not be surprised by the statistic.

“There are more affairs now than in the past because there is more access to ‘the other man’ through social media, cell phones, the internet,” Barash said in a recent interview. “If someone wants to find that former colleague she always had a crush on, or a college or high school reunion with that bad boy who rocked her world, the information is readily available. There are options at every turn because women have more autonomy and power than ever before — the workplace, the schoolyard, the gym, Starbucks, travel.”

Don’t Be Offended: Women Get Caught Less Because They’re Smarter… and Better Liars

Women are more adept at keeping their affair a secret than men are, too, said Barash. “They are aware that their husband or partner would be upset if the affair was discovered. To this end, the women are very careful and clever at balancing their lives with the affair.”

Dr. David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University confirms this. “The biggest difference [between men and women who cheat] is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret.”

Why? For starters, women have an advantage right out of the gate. With the possible exception of an overbearing mother-in-law, no one suspects women of cheating, least of all the men in their lives. Society views women as the cheated, not the cheater.

Men are careless about leaving mobile phones lying around or forgetting to log out of private emails. They’re reckless when it comes to hiding their affairs, says Sara Hartley from IllicitEncounters.com.

“In general, women are more relationship-focused and people-oriented, planning and strategizing while men are more impulsive.” She remarks. Drawing on her company’s research, Hartley says 40% of women who have affairs use an alibi friend to help them spend more time with their illicit lover. They have a network of ‘affair friends’ who can cover for them. This is compared to a mere 6% of men.

Tess Barker, a writer for Women’s Health, has her own theories as to why women are more skilled at cheating than men.

“We’re emotionally intelligent and could likely detect if our partner were suspicious,” Barker writes. “Wait until the situation blew up into a full-blown catastrophe? Yeah, no. We’d be troubleshooting at the first sign of a slightly bad mood.”

She contends women don’t use easily traced things like credit cards for illicit activities. “We’re detail-oriented and thus pay attention to the little things…like the fact that our spouse gets the same credit card statement as us.”

“If We Were Going to do something sneaky like cheating, we wouldn’t do it on a website,” she points out. “You can’t screenshot a quickie, know what I mean?”

She also points out women are used to giving fake numbers and emails. “Thanks to the barrage of unwelcome advances, we have a pseudo-identity at the ready and mad ghosting skills at all times.”

So if you’re considering a little bit on the side, read on for some pro tips!

Choose Your Fuck Buddy Wisely

When possible, try to hook up with someone who has just as much or more at stake as you if the affair is revealed. Safe sex isn’t just about condoms! Bad boys are fun, but they can also be unstable and unpredictable, so do your due diligence to ensure your prospective hook-up isn’t obsessed with you. When it’s time to break it off, you don’t want your love-lorn jilted fuck-buddy constantly calling and showing up where you and your husband/boyfriend are in public.

Atlanta makeup artist Amanda concurs: “It was over between Nick and me, but he would not walk away,” she explains. “I felt stalked. He would show up at my job asking to talk and call me, begging me to meet him. My husband heard me on the phone trying to convince Nick to accept the situation. I told him I was talking to a girlfriend who’d just lost her husband. Shit, that was a close call!”

Consider the Location Carefully

Although the back seat of a car might bring back heated high school memories, you’re an adult now. Local hotel? Bzzt! WRONG! Local hotels and motels should only be used as a last resort. It would amaze you how many people can identify your car parked in the lot of one of these places – even in the dark. During her affair, Hailey, a marketing executive in Charlotte, reveals: “It was quite an experience. We thought we were clever, sneaking off to a nearby hotel. However, my husband was showing a vacant property to a prospective tenant in a strip mall next door. He casually asked me at dinner later that evening, “honey, did I see your car near the mall?” I felt my heart sink.

A friend’s apartment works better for your afternoon delights and early evening trysts, but scheduling can be a pain. Factor in the possibility of being walked in on, and the real threat of having your discreet affair exposed by your friend’s neighbor or your friend might be enough for you to reconsider her bachelorette pad.

The same problems plague corporate apartments, and if you get caught with your pants down, one or both of you might lose your jobs fast as a speeding bullet. It may be better to fuck his brains out in his office or yours after hours if you have a lockable door!

The space you share with your spouse or partner is the trickiest and most dangerous. It’s tacky to share sheets with a third party, and you could be caught if you do so. Men may be oblivious to a lot of things, but the scent of strange cologne in his bed would be a red flag, to put it mildly. Plus, getting caught can be very sexually inhibiting if the threat of it does not turn you on.

Assuming no one else has a key to his or your place, it’s perfect. The best way to keep your men on the side if you’re planning multiple adventures is to rent or own a separate living space. This can be pretty expensive, though, with a security deposit, utility bills, and furnishings, and younger women may need a more stable financial situation to afford it. But if you’re serious about cheating, it’s the best option. Don’t let HIM pay for it because he’ll think you owe him something. Keep in mind that this is all about you.

It’s All About Timing

Because you’re not supposed to be home anyway, you should engage in your liaisons during mutual working hours. However, one disadvantage is that you are on a time clock, so you are forced to get busy right away, with little time for foreplay or afterglow. Telling your man you will be out with your girlfriends is always a credible alibi, provided none of their social media posts don’t line up with your story.

Claiming you’re out with a made-up friend carries the lowest risk of you getting busted by yourself. Someone who doesn’t even exist can’t accidentally spill the beans. You should avoid leaving a paper trail and always be able to cover up your indiscretions in these instances.

Creativity is the Key to Successful Affairs

The importance of planning – and creativity – cannot be overstated when it comes to covering your ass. You want a successful, fun affair, not something that will leave you feeling regret for the rest of your life. For this to work, you must use time-tested fibs to conceal that you’ve had (or will have) untamed, passionate sex with your illicit partner.

Cheat Without Cheating?

There are several ways for you to eat your cake and have it, too – that is – have amazing sex with multiple partners with the full approval of your husband or boyfriend.  Here are a few:

Swinging: Swinging, sometimes called wife-swapping, husband-swapping, or partner-swapping, is a sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship sexually engage with others for recreational purposes. Couples usually do this in the presence of each other or in the same locale. Parties devoted to this activity are the norm for those in this lifestyle. Swinging is a form of non-monogamy. People may choose a swinging lifestyle for a variety of reasons. Practitioners cite an increased quality and quantity of sex. Some people may engage in swinging to add variety to their otherwise conventional sex lives or due to their curiosity. Some couples see swinging as a healthy outlet and means to strengthen their relationship.

Open Relationships: An open relationship is an intimate relationship that is sexually non-monogamous. It generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary emotional and intimate relationship between two partners, but who agree they can have sex with other people outside the bonds of their relationship. This is inherently different than swinging because both partners can fuck whoever they want, whenever they want. They’re not confined to sexual activity with other partners within the set parameters of a party or other gathering.

Cuckolding: So the prospect of multiple lovers excites you, but the thought of your partner doing the same is a major turnoff? Well, you only have two choices: Cheating, where your extracurricular activities are kept on the downlow, or cuckolding, where your male partner stays faithful but you can have all the men you want.  If this sounds like something you think your man would never go for, think again! According to a recent study by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, the majority of men find this arrangement is hot as fuck!

For his forthcoming book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help Improve Your Sex Life, Lehmiller surveyed thousands of Americans and found that 58% of men fantasize about cuckolding.

“Men are more likely to fantasize about cuckolding, and they do it more often – but there are a number of women who have fantasies of doing it as well, which points to the need for more research focused on women’s cuckolding desires,” Lehmiller says.

“This fantasy has been around as long as marriage and sexuality,” says Dr. David Ley, whose book Insatiable Wives addresses cuckolding in heterosexual couples. “But we’re hearing more and more about it these days, and more people are rejecting the social stigma against this fantasy.”

So, you’ll never know unless you ask, girl!

You Have Another Option: Look, Flirt, But Don’t Touch

For whatever reason, you’re saying you will never stray sexually from a steady boyfriend or husband. The very thought of it turns your stomach. However, you could do a little sexy wandering in your head. There are some hot ways to cheat with your hands off and your brain on.

Dip your toes into the steamy world of cybersex. There are many options – chat rooms, live webcam sites, and more – broken down by fetish, gender, and act preferences – you can pop in and out at your convenience, and the coolest part is you’re anonymous. Feel free to get as freaky as you want! Paper trails and suspicious phone calls aren’t an issue because it’s discreet.

Try flirting with men you meet daily and start friendly casual conversations. Try asking a cute guy in the produce department of a grocery store about the difference between organic and non-organic. Look for a hot guy in the bookstore and ask him for a recommendation. Find a man at the driving range to help you with your swing. Innocent conversations like these can brighten your day and remind you how sexy you are!

Read erotica written by women. People who haven’t read them don’t realize just how hot these books can be. If Scandalouswoman’s Her Story section gets you hot and sets your vibrator smoking, give them a try!

Check out a male strip club solo or with friends and enjoy a naked guy dancing for you.

Conclusion

There are many reasons women seek sexual fulfillment in the arms of another, such as when she is emotionally detached from her partner but cannot separate themselves physically (usually because of children and the fact that the car and house belong to him).

Let’s face it: fucking around outside of relationships takes planning and nerves of steel. Is it complicated? Of course. Is it worth it? That’s your call.